Goodbye

“As you start your journey, the first thing you should do is throw away that store-bought map and begin to draw your own.” - Michael Dell

“You should never begin your papers with a quote.” - Mrs. Caffey

I'm sorry Mrs. Caffey for going against your word, but here we are. We are at the climax of a milestone we ferociously conquered. As in we, I mean all class of 2016. I am proud to say I've made it this far. I am also quite heartbroken because I feel as though we will all forget each other forever. There are so many things that can go wrong in each and everyone of our lives and so many choices that could cause an endless ripple effect of events. The matter is whether it holds a positive or negative outcome. The choices we all have to make as a senior are going to go through the same motion as these ripple effects, so the advice I have to give everyone, including myself, is make the right decisions.

I have to chose to follow a path the universe has set out specifically just for me. Everyone has their own path in life, it's just a shame when one loses their trail. Everything that has happened up until this exact moment has happened so I am able to make my life changing decisions in a such a way that things are black and white. There will be no grey in these decisions. It is either one way or the other, and you can't be selfish to try and attempt to manage both. You will be ashamed and feel like a failure.

I am proud of the decisions I am making regarding my future, and in my eyes it's the most clear path set out for me. I hope everyone in class of 2016 can say the same. Don't feel discouraged. Don't feel as though you are just a speck on this world. Feel as though this is YOUR WORLD and you are making the decisions that come along with consequences that you can't even necessarily call consequences. Why? Because you are so proud of the outcome.

I love every decision I made throughout high school because it has led to create me into the wonderful and intelligent woman I am. I also love every person that has walked in and out of my life because without you guys, I wouldn't understand the feeling of pain and loss. I wish nothing but the best for every single person that has made any sort of impact on my life. There is one more thing I want to say before finishing up my last blog and that is thank you. Thank you to everyone and everything that has lead my life to turn out the way it is meant to be.

This is Not Fast and Furious

My last blog talked about how freedom was different than what I had expected, and over the weekend I had a life changing experience that definitely crushed my freedom.. and my car. I’ve only had my car for about three weeks, and even though I wasn’t the one driving my car, I take full responsibility for all that happened.

As all of you know, I work at Burger King, and the boredom that comes with working there leads to a lot of bets on food. My co worker had owed me some Alibertos, my favorite fast food here in Holbrook. I decided since I would be giving my co-worker a ride home, why not go get the food he owes me, this decision lead to the worst night of senior year by far.

As we sat waiting in the Alibertos drive thru for our food, the man that works there started asking me questions about my car.

“What year is your car?” “Is that a z24 Cavalier?” “How fast have you tried going in your car?” The ultimate question that lead to utter failure. My co-worker then asked me,

“Can I drive your car?” I sat there pondering on whether or not I should let him, but I figured since my friends and boyfriend let me drive without my license in their car why shouldn’t he. I decided to drive to my house and let him drive back, avoiding all possible Holbrook police or traffic, since I don’t live too far out on McLaws I figured it was no big deal.

We had stopped and turned around near my house and switched seats. I admit I knew we were going to speed, that was the whole point of my co-worker wanting to drive my car in the first place. After over correcting and slamming the breaks, we ended up flipping three times front first and slid in a field. My car is totaled, I have whiplash and bruises, but I am more than thankful to be alive and safe, along with my friend. There were two lessons learned here and that was 1. Don’t let other people drive your car 2. Don’t listen to the drive thru Alibertos guy when he tells you to see how fast your car can go.

This is not Pretty in Pink

I can't imagine a time where I never wanted to be a big girl. You can say Sweet 16, Pretty in Pink, and Dirty Dancing made it seem being a big girl was the best feeling in the world.

As I got older I figured this meant getting a car and taking on the freedom that it brings. I pictured myself driving a red convertible, chewing my gum fiercely, with the wind blowing through my hair as I pull up to school. This did not turn out as I expected. Though my car is red, it isn't a convertible, and I have to wiggle my wheel and key to get it started. I also learned I don't like driving with my windows down so there will definitely be no wind blowing through my hair.

Being a big girl is way different than I expected. The freedom that it brings is earned, and that is something I'm still in the process of learning. I can't do things if I don't have gas, which I need money for, which you get by earning it at a job. I wish things were different. As a matter of fact, I feel that being a big girl has less freedom because you have more priorities. Life's a bliss when the only thing you have to worry about is what doll you want to play with.

I miss not having to worry about job applications, or college applications. I miss being able to wake up and instantly run outside and play with my siblings, even though we could only go so far, to me that was true freedom because I had no worries. I'm sorry Dirty Dancing, but you’re a lie. Growing up and meeting the boy of your dreams, being a big girl, sneaking away at night, growing up is not what those movies make it out to seem.

Week in Paradise

It has been about two weeks since I experienced the breathtaking waters of Hawaii. I would've blogged about this the week I was back, but I was still taken away by the beauty of the place I couldn't even put it in words. For starters, I have never seen the ocean. So the first time I got to experience that was in Maui. All I can say was I fell in love. Not only with the ocean, but with the food, the culture, and the people there. Oh god the people. Never in my life I have met such welcoming and happy people.

For some of you that don't know, Hawaii is an awfully expensive place. You would think eight bucks for a gallon of milk is just absurd on the mainland, but in Hawaii that is their norm. The people I met there were not the richest either. As a matter of fact, a lot of the families there were considered to be in poverty (data wise), and lived in really old homes that they fixed up to their taste. There was also a considerable amount of homeless, and it wasn't because they had to be, it was because they chose to be.

I met a Hawaiian native named Ke’ale who dropped out of school to live off the land and surf. I'm not going to lie, when he told me this I thought he was stupid and was never going to be actually happy because he would have no source of income. He was one of the happiest guys I've ever met. When Ke’ale, Lilly, and I walked around the Lahaina strip, everyone knew him and greeted him with a smile. He talked about how the people from the mainland were so different mentally than the people that lived the island life. I didn't actually see this till I came back and really saw the difference in people's attitudes. Especially where they seek their happiness.

In Hawaii, the people didn't care about how your hair looked. No one had their hair done, nails done, or even make up. Being the girl that loves false eyelashes and teasing my hair, I definitely felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I adjusted within two days of being there, and found that I look fine without all the make-up, and I don't have to style my hair everyday. I guess here on the mainland you'd say I'm lazy. But this is exactly what I'm talking about! The change in people you see when you change environments is so astonishing to me. When I'm here and not in Hawaii, I noticed people lust after money, looks, and a degree. In Hawaii, I observed something I feel is more beautiful. The people there lusted after happiness in a less mainstream way.  People that worked a 12 dollars an hour job, lived in a broken down house, and ten minutes away from the beach (must I add), seemed a dozen times happier than the people that stressed out over having money, the latest ‘prada’, the nicest house, and the newest car.

I believe everyone should visit an island at least once in their lifetime, not at an expensive resort, or on a cruise, but actually stay in a small local area. Go through that humbling experience that I went through. It was extraordinary and I hope to be back there soon.

Yay for Seniors

Spring has sprung, the birds are chirping, and the flowers have begun to bloom, but I can’t enjoy it. None of us can. Not fully at least. I can honestly say I have been infected with senioritis. I used to wake up in the morning my Freshman and Sophomore year excited to see my friends and excited to learn. High school is a milestone in everyone's life, some may not make it over that milestone, and some might run on right through it. Me? I'm crawling through needles on both hands and knees inch by inch, hoping to be in one full piece by the end of my senior year. I think it's safe to say I am fed up. Now I am not shaming high school, because it is some of the best years in people's lives. I am simply speaking the truth on what it is like to be a senior.

Expectations is a good word to describe senior year. As a senior you are expected to be a mature young adult, yet you are also expected to ask to use the restroom. Your parents expect you, by now, to do things without being told. Your teachers expect you to be do all your homework, and be the brightest student (we have been doing this for almost thirteen years now). Lastly, you are expected to get your senior pictures, apply for a dozen scholarships, colleges, save money, work, find an apartment or dorm, and figure out what the heck you are planning to do with your life. This is not how I pictured senior year. I pictured all the freedom and time in the world, endless nights out, and an easy glide through all my classes till I got the golden ticket of graduation. Let me tell you, this is not the year to make the most amazing memories. I wish someone would've told me that.  

So here I am now, hoping to bring some of my senior knowledge to the younger humanoids.

There are a few things I would've changed about my high school experience. First, it would be to actually quit trying so hard to make everything flow perfectly. It made me feel left out from the actual world that surrounded me. I was disconnected because I was trying so hard to connect with the wrong things. Second, school is not hard at all. Literally all you have to do is give a little effort, and turn in your homework. It makes a big difference when you miss out on amazing scholarships because your GPA is .9 off. Lastly, enjoy the time you have here. Do not mope around the halls everyday pretending the world doesn't exists. Trust me, no matter how hard you try, it will always be there. So why not enjoy it?

Trees Need Water to Grow

We are all trees, and he is my water. I know that sounds very cliche, and I am not saying I can't live without him. What I am saying is he helps me grow endlessly, just like how water helps a tree grow. This is not something I noticed right away, and I didn't wake up one morning and say, “Wow! I am going to be a better person!”, because that is not how it works.

I have to admit that my freshman and sophomore year were the roughest years of my life. The most mistakes I made occurred during that short period of time, and even till this day I make mistakes, but I am more aware. I am aware of who I want myself to be. I am aware of what I truly want in life. I am aware of how I want to be known. He has helped me through all the accepting, and I thank him everyday for that.

I could easily be saying he makes me a better person because that is what every typical girl says about her boyfriend, but there is real evidence of this! My GPA is the highest it has ever been my whole entire high school career, I actually enjoy helping people out, I don't spend my nights making memories I will not remember the next day, and I am confident. To this day I am the tallest I've ever been because of him.

I've come to realize that you should not invest yourself into people that drag you down and keep you from growing. Your mistakes do help you grow, but life's more pleasant when you grow from the positive experiences. You want your relationships to nourish you in knowledge, love, and mental success. With that you shall grow.

I Could Marry My Job

For the past year I've been steadily working in the wonderful industrialized food business. Now this isn't your average canned soup, I'm talking five star dine in or dine out restaurant. We serve everything from triple layered burgers, gourmet chili dogs, to our famous chocolate malts and sundaes. What's great about working here is the variety of people I get to meet. Our restaurant's customers come in many different characters because we offer scrumptious affordable quality food. I believe working here has influenced my character in countless ways because of that. My favorite kind  of customers are the ones that can really set my mood. "I asked for a number three with everything on it but lettuce, tomato, onion, and pickle!" A middle aged, heavy women raised her voice at me.
"Yes mam, that's what I rang you up for."
"Then how come my receipt says 'number three only ketchup, mayo, bacon, and cheese?!"
"Well.." I started to reply but realized she wouldn't understand that's what was left on her bacon cheese whopper after taking all the garnishes off. Did I forget to mention I work at Burger King? Yes. The home of the whopper. I have to say that working here has been one the best and probably one of the worst experiences in my life, but I continue working here anyways because that's the kind of job you have at 17. My favorite position to work is drive-thru. There's nothing that gives me more life than hearing the ding in my head-set warning me I'm about to deal with some hangry people. (when you're hungry and angry at the same time)
For example, I had a customer pull up in drive and ask "Can I get a number eight large please?" Yelling quite loud, which isn't uncommon, a lot of drive-thru customers are convinced I can never hear them in my headset.
"What to drink with that sir?"
"JUST THE SANDWICH." he got louder.
"Did you want the large fries?"
"WOMAN! NO! I said number eight large!" I take a deep breath and ring him up for just original chicken sandwich because that's what he requested. I don't think he realizes I can't supersize his sandwhich for him. He pulls up and I cash him out and as I am about to send him away he asks "Where in the heck is my drink and fries?!" I give it to him for free because this is Burger King and you are supposed to 'have it your way'.
At the end of my day those are the kind of people that impact me the most. The kind of people I live and breathe for because they teach you the most in life. I know what it is like dealing with impolite demanding customers, especially on a bad day, and I've sworn to myself no matter how old I am, I will never be that person.